I Lost My Voice

Somewhere along the line I lost my voice and will to write. It has been more than two years since I updated this blog and I wonder if it is even worth digging back up? It is not that I forgot to write or that time just flew by without me realizing it, I stopped writing because what I had to say was hard to put out there. When you have something to say but know that it will only hurt the ones reading it, you should just bottle it all up until it no longer matters. Right?

I began to struggle with looking the other way, making excuses for and smiling and nodding in the face of destructive relationships. I had lost the ability to let things roll off my back and began to obsess about where and who I came from. What I realized in this time is that I am just me, not the product of my lineage or upbringing. Sure those things and more factor into the person you become, but you have a choice to be different. I choose to be better and I have the strength to do so. I no longer hold onto the hope of changing those who are unable to be who I need them to be, I have finally learned to let go. Instead of only feeling the loss, I am now able to look around me and see all that I do have. I may not have any parental support but I have an abundance of family and friends who do love and support me, I am so blessed!

So quick recap to catch up anyone reading this: 

G started Preschool

and after two years

of instruction from wonderful

teachers, he graduated this past May.

I am still in school pursuing my teaching Degree.
I Graduated this past May with my Associates.

G is now in Kindergarten and
 L has started Preschool.

                                                                                                                                                                                             

     They have both grown up into

     beautiful, smart and fun individuals.

     I look forward to each new milestone!                                                                                            

My husband has always been my best friend,

my supporter and the person I can always count on.
Nothing there has changed. He has expanded his many talents
and become a very talented photographer, capturing beauty in
 his camera lens.I am so proud of his achievements and look forward to his future successes.

     A major life change for all of us has been my diagnoses of Thyroid Cancer this past February.
I have had several unexplained  symptoms over the years and when my neck swelled
 up in March of 2013 I thought we finally had some answers. For almost a year I went through
 blood tests and ultrasounds to no avail until finally having a lymph node biopsied.
Life has been a whirlwind ever since and although nobody wants to hear the words:
"You have Cancer", I think that as a family we have dealt with it well.

Although there is no way to tell exactly how long I have had it, my Dr. thinks at least 5 years based on the extent of disease. I have had two surgeries to remove my Thyroid and many surrounding and distant lymph nodes and a round of Radioactive Iodine Treatment to kill off what is left in my body. My last scan showed a little in my neck and a spot in my chest that is currently being zapped by the radiation. Meaning my life can get back to a relative normal until my next scan in 6 months. If I could get my energy levels up and figure out how to clear my brain of all the fog that comes with Thyroid disease, I could whip this semester's classes without a problem.

I am currently learning balance and acceptance while not compromising myself in the process. So far I feel like I finally know who I am and can be myself and the wife and mother that I have always wanted to be.


All of the events of the last couple of years have not only opened my eyes but taught me many important lessons: Some questions are okay unanswered, stand up for what you believe in, stay proactive about your health because you know your body better than anyone and most of all: embrace Life and all of it's challenges and rewards, strength and support will carry you through.

It is all worth it!

        Hello!
 Remember me?

Last time we talked, I had just enrolled in College, G wasn't potty trained and
L had just turned 1.

 Life has progressed a lot since then!

   G gave us the best present by deciding to commit to potty training and was wearing his big boy underwear full time by Christmas, a few months before he turned 3 yrs old. My little man has become just that, a little Man! Watching him grow and change this last year has been so much fun. He is making friends and trying new things, his confidence levels are growing everyday. A once very cautious boy is learning that taking risks can be a good thing, especially when they come in the shape of a big red tunnel slide! Just yesterday he realized how much fun a pool was, even the deep end where he could swim around in his floaties. I become more and more proud of him everyday and love watching him be a good big brother to L.

   Speaking of L, she has changed the most since I wrote last. At a little over a year and a half, she is literally running circles around me, repeating everything she hears, and attempting to do everything her big brother does. She has always been fearless, my little daredevil. We are doing our best to encourage her attempts while teaching her to be safe. I have decided that she is my little Imp, although much prettier than the usual definition of the creature. She is definitely mischievous, always getting into something and then grinning about it. Her latest love is her "MeMe" which in our language means Mermaid. She plays, baths and sleeps with her "MeMe".  Although she likes playing with Bubba's cars and trucks, she is all girl. She loves her toes painted pretty pink and her hair done up with a bow. L is growing into a beautiful little girl.

    As for College, I haven't quit yet ;) My first semester back was difficult, on me as well as my family. Between my night class and the online courses I kept busy with homework leaving my husband to do the majority of housework and childcare. The stress was a lot for everyone.  I finished the semester with decent grades, with only needing to retake one class this summer...Any guesses to which one? Yep, Algebra! So I will have it for a month seated instead of online and know that I will do much better this time around. Then onto another full semester of classes. This time instead of taking mostly online classes I will be on campus all day two days a week. I am in the process of finding a job that will work around my school schedule, needing to work only Monday, Wednesday and Fridays. It makes me so nervous not having that planned out yet. At least I am sure that school and my teaching degree are the correct path.

   I  have enjoyed my summer break, hanging out with my babies and remodeling the house. D worked very hard to fix up the upstairs so we could move our bedroom back up there, something that I have been so nervous to do. I wish our house was only one story where we could be on the same level as our children, but they are ready for their own spaces and we need more room, so here goes.

    Life has been crazy lately, throwing a lot of different experiences my way. Being pulled in different directions, staying busy and stressed has had a way of showing me what is important. I will always choose to be a great mom to my children. Every decision I make points to them.

This and that and now...

Time flies when you are having fun...and unfortunately that has caused me to neglect my blog... Any spare time I have had has been spent spending time with my family. When I actually get a moment of me time, I don't want to spend it thinking or writing ;)

Working at a public school has been fascinating.  I love to watch the children interact with each other. I wonder on a daily basis what my children will act like around their peers, if they will remember their manners around adults and follow the rules.
As a lunch lady, I think I see some of them at their rowdiest, full of energy, hungry and ready for recess. The rainy days are the worst! hehe
I watch some of these kids and wonder what their stories are, whether my smile and hello will be the only one they get that day, if they had to get themselves ready that morning and if the food we prepared is the best meal they get on that day. There are some days that I go home tired from the hard work, but I try to remember that what I am doing is making a difference, I am helping feed our future...haha

Update: I finally took the plunge, I am officially enrolled in college, waiting to register for my classes. I am going to start be getting my Associates of Arts in Teaching  PreK-4th grade, and see where that leads me. I'm nervous and excited about starting school. I am ready for the challenge but scared of the stress it will put on me and my family. Time, it is all about making time for everything and everyone... something I struggle with on a daily basis. So here goes!

My husband D has been busy working a lot, but every moment he has free has been dedicated to his family. We have had so much fun lately, playing with the kids and watching them start to play together. He has been teaching our son how to bat and throw a baseball, in the house might I add ugh! He really is the most amazing father. Watching him with them makes me smile, makes me feel safe knowing that everything would be OK if anything ever happened to me. What a great feeling, that knowledge.


My kiddos are growing up faster and faster everyday. They are a whirlwind of learning and playing and my house is proof of it! I simply can not keep up. LBug recently turned 1yr old, already running, yes I said running, jumping and saying new words. Today she said "ball" and I about cried on the spot, I was so proud. GDawg is almost 3, only five more short months left of the terrible twos ;) He is blowing me away with each new thing he does. Lately he spells out every word he comes across, naming each letter and asking me "What's that spell Mommy?" Today I walked in on him drawing and asked him what he was doing, he informed me that he was drawing letters. Sure enough, I look and there is an upper case "E", an "O" and he showed me how to draw the letter "C". He can count and is right around the corner from reading, now to get him to commit to potty training!
I am immensely proud of my children, something that I hope they always know. I plan on making sure I tell them as much as possible.

That was probably a lot to read, there is so much more to tell, I will try to break it up in more recent posts from now on!

Run Momma Run!

Life is truly going right, I am one Perfectly Blessed Content Busy Momma!

 I am really enjoying my new job, it has done me a world of good just to get out and away from my kiddos for half a day. By the time I pick them up, they have had naps and are ready to play (nice) and mommy has had some adult time.

I have taken up a new hobby also. I had a few girlfriends motivate me to start running, something I never thought I could actually do. I remember trying to run the mile in Jr. High School and getting made fun of for crying because I didn't have the lung capacity to make it to the end. Now I crave running! A friend and I ran a 5k last weekend, my first time ever attempting anything resembling running...and I am definitely hooked!

 I had set a goal and surprised myself by beating the time I had envisioned. I have another chance to beat that time this coming weekend. The weather has finally cooled down, this time for good I believe. Perfect running weather.

"I run because it's so symbolic of life. You have to drive yourself to overcome the obstacles. You might feel that you can't. But then you find your inner strength, and realize you're capable of so much more than you thought."
--Arthur Blank

 As soon as the kids go to bed and D comes in from working in the shop, I am hitting the pavement! I love that I don't have to share this one thing, This one thing that makes me feel so good is all mine, something I can be alone with my thoughts or not even think at all. I don't even get to go to the bathroom by myself! I am a slightly competitive person so beating my own times is what pushes me to be better. Also the thought of helping a good cause gives me a sense of satisfaction, just knowing that I gave my all for it. So wish me luck and if you are wanting to help a good cause, join me in my quest!

 5K Fun Run and Walk
Saturday, September 17, 2011
Cotter Springs, AR
Race Start: 8:00 am FEES:
Adult:
$15 pre-registered or $20 day of race
18 & Under:
$10 pre-registered or $15 day of race • Make checks payable to COTTER HIGH SCHOOL
• Mail entry form & check to:
COTTER HIGH SCHOOL
PO BOX 70
COTTER, AR 72626 • Registration on day of race: 7:30 am-7:50 am
• Race starts at 8:00 am
• Awards for all divisions

This To Shall Pass, Right?

Since I have gone back to work, I find myself looking forward to it daily. Both of my children are going through a Terrible Phase : Terrible 2's and Terrible Teething. Don't get me wrong, I love my children and cherish every moment but lately the sweet moments have been fewer than the Terrible ones.

I always heard that having them close together would be hard in the beginning but wonderful as they get older, I am ready for the wonderful part. Of course I do not want my children to grow up in a hurry, just ready for them to get along and to be able to take them out in public without the stress. My 2 year old seems to be unable to listen to instruction, unable to potty train and unable to go an hour without a complete breakdown or tantrum. It makes me sad that others do not get to see how amazingly smart and fun he is the rest of the time. I am very proud of him and love him angry or not, but oh am I ready for this to pass!

My daughter is on the short path to one year old (already!) and instigates most of the breakdowns mentioned above. She is learning and exploring so much that she cant stand to be left out of anything, including whatever brother is intently concentrating on at the moment. Currently she is cutting a 5th tooth in which I keep trying to tell myself is the cause of her temper. As cute as it is that she smiles and says "yeah" afterwards, her little temper will be less cute at 2 years of age...

I just keep telling myself that God didn't give me anything I cant handle and of course This to shall Pass...

May the Positive Force Be With You!

It seems like I am always on the path to one self improvement or another. My life could probably be categorized under the "Self Help" section of the Library... hehe

At least I'm trying, right?

My new goal is to be more positive everyday.

You are probably saying to yourself "What? You are one of the most positive people I know!"  Well I am, by default. I try to portray self confidence and positiveness as much as possible but have come to realize that I adapt very well to my surroundings. I pick up on other's energy and make it my own. I have a need to be liked by all and at 26 years old I am finally able to admit that I am a follower. I can try to change, to not care what other's think, to be my own person, but all in all I am who I am. So since I can't control most of all of that, it's time to take charge of what I can. I'm starting with surrounding myself with the positive energy I want to emit from myself. That means eliminating the negative. I want to be happy and spread happiness where ever I go. I owe this not only to myself, but to my family, coworkers and friends. If I expect those around me to be positive and joyful, I need to be the example they need. I truly hope that my children can pick up on this and carry it through their lives.
So, my current goals are as follows: Be and stay more positive, conquer my weight loss goal, train my body to withstand running, strive to be a better person, enjoy life and be thankful for every moment and to continue on my "Self Help Journey."
I Will Be Better. 

A Very Merry UnBirthday to All!

Today is a special day at our house, we are having an UnBirthday Party this evening!



My 2 1/2 yr old son is quite the character, coming up with new ideas and thoughts and words everyday. Since June 13th, which was his Aunt's birthday,  he has been running up to us saying      
" Happy Birthday Daddy" or "Happy Birthday Nana" (Momma, Ninny, Papa, Lela, oranges etc).
 We have come to the conclusion that this is his way of saying he loves you and is super happy to see you. It really is the sweetest thing to hear when you walk in the door, he warms every one's heart.
So we all decided to give back the good feeling and we are throwing a party to celebrate nothing and everything. I am baking a cake, we are putting up decorations and singing the happy birthday song until he decides he doesn't want to anymore. Yay, Cake!
So if you are feeling in the need for a Birthday, come on over tonight and have some fun with us!

A New Chapter in My Life

Yes, another change is in the air! No, I am not pregnant again!

I have loved every moment of being a stay at home mom, OK that is a lie, I have loved almost every moment...but there was an opportunity for the best of both worlds, a part time job, and I took it!
I am now officially a "Food Tech" at the school that my children will be going to in the future. Just a fancy term for lunch lady I know, but I am so excited about it!

My hours are amazing, I am getting out of the house everyday, time away from my little monsters, holidays and summers off, and I still get to be Mom first. I think this is what I have been looking for.
 I'm excited to get to know the women i will be working with, to swap coupons and baby stories with and to have a little life outside of our home. Also it is good for my husband, taking some of the pressure to make the bills off his shoulders and for my children to socialize and learn new things at Daycare.

All this and I still have every afternoon and weekends to spend with my family! So here is to my new adventure!

"The Adams Family Values"

I have been so preoccupied lately! As a mother this is pretty much a constant state of being anyway, but I have taken it to a whole new level for me. Let me explain a little something about myself before I go on. If you haven't figured this out already, I will just put it right out there: I am an obsessive person. I have always been this way. Growing up, when a new band would strike my fancy or a show interested me, I would listen/watch it until I wore it out. I am sort of like that with people also, I get excited when I meet someone new that I fall in love with instantly and want to spend more time with them. Of course life is too busy for those kind of friendships anymore. Somehow D escaped the use and throw out part of my obsessiveness, maybe because he pursued me and stuck that ring on my finger before I could change my mind. Or maybe it is just that he is so completely amazing and perfect for me...

To get back to my point, I am on the trail of a new obsession, (thanks to my BFF, who started this whole thing)  one that keeps me challenged and takes up most of my thoughts: Ancestry. My favorite aunt, I mean that, I have always looked up to her, and I have decided to find the source of the craziness in our family (I say that affectionately of course) and have thrown ourselves into filling in our family tree. This has not been such an easy task as there are several unanswered questions and overused first names. That is the fun of the hunt though, the challenge. I find myself laying in bed at night, (when I finally tear myself away) thinking up the next words I will plug into my favorite search engine. Everyday I say to myself, "This is gonna be the day that I hit the jackpot, the day all the pieces will fit together." While searching I have come across a lot of interesting facts and stories, most of them not even related to my ancestors but amazing nonetheless. I have really enjoyed reading through other peoples lives.

 A man I respect more than any other person in my life, my GPA wrote this and I loved it so much I thought I should share it:

"I know that knowing a lot about our family is important, and we all have this curiosity about "where we came from". On the other hand,  Perhaps time spent on where I'm going, what I can accomplish for the  good of others, and how I might leave a legacy for mankind might be possibly more important. and of course, this comment is not intended to imply that your search is silly or a waste of time." I am going to think these words each morning when I wake up, what wise man he is!

Its too Hot to Play Outside

I just had a vision of myself as an old lady...

I am obsessed with buttons. All shapes, sizes, and colors.
I don't really use them for anything, except for the occasional scrapbooking project (which I can never find or make the time to do).

One Saturday, as a family, we drove around checking out garage sales and local craft sales. At the retirement home, they were having a big inside sale that had air conditioning calling to us to stop in and cool off. Not expecting to find anything that we couldn't live without we just enjoyed walking around.
Suddenly out of the corner of my eye I see colors, little round objects in baby food jars,  lots of pretty colors! I was drawn to them like a child is to candy.

The first table I came to had two little old ladies selling various craft supplies along with several baby food jars full of buttons. Each jar had been organized by color, some with a mix of pastels others with an assortment of brights. The one I couldn't live without had yellows mixed with oranges, dazzling before my eyes! I handed over four quarters for one and  six quarters for a bigger jar full of muted colors.  I decided two jars better be my limit. 

  Have you seen how much a jar of buttons can go for in some antique stores? I once ran across a big mason jar for $40! Can you imagine spending that much money on buttons? My obsession doesn't even go that far...So thinking I had hit the jackpot, I thanked the women and walked around some more. At the other end of the room there was a whole table dedicated to buttons, several matching sets sewn nicely to cardboard strips and arranged by size and color. Beautiful buttons for only $.50 a strip! I ended up walking away with a few different colors making my grand total to $5.00 just in buttons.

The date on the lid is Dec of 1987.

Obsession satisfied.

So on this hot Saturday morning while the boys are out in the shop and the baby is sleeping, I am sorting through my buttons. Examining each one and dividing them up in a rainbow of colors. It may sound silly but it truly is relaxing. As a little old lady I will be selling these very buttons and the many more I collect over the years, in baby food jars at the local craft sale.

I got the FUNK

Vacation ruined me...

Don't get me wrong, I enjoyed every moment of it; but now that I'm home, I am finding it hard to get back into my routine.
 I worked so hard to develop good habits: cleaning the kitchen before bed every night, walking every night, losing the baby weight, getting up early in the mornings, and keeping up on chores each day...
 I feel like I have taken 100 steps backwards. I look around the house and feel so discouraged at all the things that need to be done. The kitchen has one wall of wallpaper stripped, a project I have yet to finish. I don't feel like I can start that until I have finished my everyday chores first. Laundry has piled up on my once again and our bedroom is in desperate need of organization.
These are just a few of the things that need to be taken care of in my life this moment, and yet I sit here griping to you about it.
 Every morning I say "Today I get back on track", and every morning I wake up too tired or with another excuse.
Where did Ambition go??
That is my rant for today, I will try to be my normal  positive self again soon...

I'm back!

A normal day at last! We took a 10 day vacation visiting family and friends up north, traveling a total of 2004 miles. We had an amazing time but were all thankful to be home and in our own beds. Yesterday was a stressful day, waking up to our refrigerator going out, having to juggle cleaning up all the leakage from the meat in the freezer and keeping the kids away from it, not getting any of the things needed to be done the first day back from vacation... Making us want to just go back on vacation! So let's go back and recap...

We started our journey at 4 a.m, after an almost sleepless night taking care of children, on the very long car ride to Detroit, MI to visit with my sister and her family. We finally made it there around 10 p.m exhausted and relieved to be there. We jam packed a lot of fun into the 2 days we had together, playing at the park, getting haircuts, water balloon fights, BBQ, game nights, Slurpees, and lots of picture taking! Besides the kids not getting along, it was an awesome experience! It was amazing to find out just how alike my sister and I are, even though we grew up in completely different worlds. Her in the city, not knowing that I existed and Me in the country not finding out about her until 2009. I loved getting to know her family, she has an amazing husband that takes care of her and two beautiful children that I hugged and kissed every chance I got. My sister is an an extraordinary woman and I love her like I have known her my whole life.  

We have so much in common it's scary! Spending time with her made me really miss all the years I didn't have a sister, making me feel cheated that I was able to experience all the things we tried to pack in those two days. I miss her already and am really thankful that at least we have the technology to keep in touch over the distance. We left there sad but excited for our next stop, IL to visit friends.

It was so great to see my Best Friend, we always feel at home at their house. We had a day to rest the first day there and the second day we visited my Aunt and Cousins. It was great to spend time with them and to see the home I spent so many summers at when I was young. After that we watched movies, ate great food, played at the park, took the kids to blackberry farm, had a couple bonfires, BBQ, six flags, the boys went to the drag races, and we all spent some quality time together. There were a lot of fun times, all told through the many pictures taken! My favorite part of all? Watching our friends treat our children like they were their own. I love that more than I can express.

I miss everyone already but am glad to be back in our daily routine. Hopefully I can get some chores caught up today...

Good Day Sunshine

Life is good.
I have been in wonderful state of contentment lately. Changing my routine and getting up in the mornings before everyone else for some "me time" has made me a new woman! I have always heard that all mother's, especially SAHM's should get up early and start their day this way but I always bulked at the "getting up early" part.

My normal Day would have gone like this: G getting out of bed, poking his baby sister L, Baby L screaming, me groaning and rolling out of bed, scolding my son for poking his sister while picking her up out of crib, soothing her, changing her diaper while G (2yrs old and said big brother) whines for "more cheerios too" and "more milk too, more yogurt too", L (7 month little sister) crying for her bottle, and me trying to change, feed and calm two children at the same time. All this before my much needed cup of coffee. Then I get on the computer, drinking my coffee, turn a cartoon on for G and try to wake up saying repeatedly "Not Until Mommy Has Her Coffee!"

Before I know it half the day is gone, looking at the clock I see that my Hubby will soon be home for lunch and I run around brushing teeth, getting dressed (maybe) and straightening up so it looks like I accomplished something...

The new me is much more on top of things, I do all that before the kiddos wake up and sometimes even go for a morning walk and shower! What a concept! It is truly amazing what a difference it makes in my day, how it makes me feel good, what a better Mom it makes me! It gives me Peace!

Another Fun Fact: Pureeing is Fun!

I borrowed my momma's food processor and have been sneaking spinach and carrots into meals to make them healthier.

Speaking of healthier, if you could see me right now, you would see a healthier leaner me! I have been walking/running almost every evening 3 miles at a time. My sis in law is a great motivator! I have a few more lbs to lose to get to my pre-baby weight and wanting to shed a few more after that. Toning and eating better has made me feel great. I have even been saving up calories for the nights I drink a couple glasses of wine ;) We had to stop sending G to daycare because of budget issues (or in English, we are broke) and I have been trying to make sure I provide him with everything he is missing out on. Which means working on arranging play dates, more arts and crafts and learning new songs. So far he hasn't seemed disappointed so hopefully I am doing something right! On that note, breakfast is over so it is time to devote my time to these two precious monsters. Have a wonderful thankful day!

There's a rain cloud above my head...

Goodness I am one Cranky Mommy today!

 I'm not sure what started it, I am pretty sure I woke up on the right side of the bed this morning...
 L woke up a little cranky but I don't blame her, she had a diaper full and she has 2 teeth fighting to break through. So I was understanding with her. G woke up really happy and we started the morning with watching The Land Before Time to learn about Dinosaurs.
My coffee was wonderful, I made smoothies and I talked to my sister. Somewhere in between that and Daddy coming home from work for lunch, everything changed along with all of our moods...
I spent most of the day fighting with the kids and then trying to rest when they napped that I didn't get much accomplished around the house, leaving me feeling even more inadequate for the role of SAHM.
I definitely didn't get entered in for the Best Mom of the Year award today.
Here's to hoping for a better tomorrow!

Time is Flying By

Everyone told me that my second child would grow up even faster than my first...
Now I believe them!

My two year old seems to be saying bigger, better sentences everyday, throwing bigger and badder tantrums daily, and becoming more and more independent with each passing moment. We took them to the Library on Sunday and he got to use the computer for the first time, applied for his own Library Card and picked and checked out his own books. As I watched him climb up into a chair and open his own book to read it by himself, I handed the baby to my husband so I could retreat to the washroom to wipe my eyes...

My seven month old has decided to get several big milestones out of the way all at once. Not too long ago she had just started scooting around, now suddenly she is sitting herself up without support, crawling some, pulling up to her knees, standing in her crib and sporting her first tooth. She has also learned her first word, "Dada", which she has begun to pair with "blahblahbaba yahahayaya" in wonderful jabber sentences. What a character she has become!

Did I fall asleep or something?

We have decided that we are happy with just the two kiddos, no more having babies for us (not on purpose anyway). I am excited to be done with the baby stage, to grow with my children, but it is a little sad knowing that these are the last times we will be experiencing the baby "firsts". I can't help tearing up when one of them does something new, something that proves that they are growing up and growing further away from Mommy. I know they will always need me but knowing that I wont always be the one to take care of them is a little disheartening.

I am just going to have to enjoy every moment that I get to be the most important person in their eyes, the moments that I get to make them feel better or teach them something new about Life.

Truth Teller and the 3 C's

 I was recently labeled a "Truth Teller" and love it!

If you haven't noticed already, I write the Truth, the Whole Truth and Nothing But the Truth in this Blog.There will always be a bit about being married and being a mother and mostly I just write about me. I know this may seem like I am selfish or conceited or just plain self absorbed. But the fact is that I truly believe that you or someone you know can relate to what I experience and how I feel. Like most of you, I learn best by example. So if I can help anyone at all, I plan on continuing to write even the embarrassing stuff. Sorry to make you blush ;)

With that being said, Let's talk about the 3 C's.
I have recently been obsessed with my appearance. Not so much that I want to turn heads as I walk by, (although that wouldn't hurt) but so that I feel good about myself. If I feel good about myself, I will function better as a Mother and a Wife. (And if Momma's happy, Everyone's Happy)

That brings me to the first C. Confidence! Or Self Confidence to be more exact. Most women that I know are very self conscience about their looks, lets turn that into Confidence ladies!
To be Confident in our looks, most of us just need to Change.

You guessed it, that's the second C. Change can be any number of things to you. Change in eating habits, exercising routines, attitude or hairstyle and clothes. Whatever Change you need to make to get you on the path to self Confidence.

Control is the next step. We have to learn to take Control to Change to become Confident.
You may remember my May = Momma Madness post awhile back... I was so ready to jump into Change but forgot to add in the Control to keep it up.

 So here it is a new month and I am at it again. I recently read a really great book that I suggest you all read to. I was able to relate to the main character in Your Roots Are Showing completely and I am inspired to take charge of my life before it takes charge of me. I have given myself til the end of this month to lose the last 7 lbs of baby weight and to tone up (actually exercise) until I can look in the mirror and like the way my clothes fit. I have been walking every evening and trying to work on the motivation to get out of bed every morning before my children wake up so I can workout and shower. I am Confident in my ability to take Control and Change!

Time for my walk, tonight I try jogging!

My goal is to look half as good as this again!

Family Ties...

My GPA that has been visiting us from OR just left, and it feels like it is the last time I will ever see him. Not to be all dramatic about it, but he is getting up there in age and we do live very far from each other. The time we were able to spend with him has been so special. My GPA and I have a bond that is indescribable. I loved watching him get to know my children, to see them fall in love with their GGPA. Every moment will forever be a sweet memory. I pray that he gets to his next destination safe and that he remembers to call and let me know.. ;)

Family really is such a special thing, something so many of us take for granted. I really admire the way GPA stays in contact with so many family and friends and they with him. It makes me want to be better at it myself. I got in contact with my grandparents from OR in 2003 and since then have gotten very close to the rest of the family. I am so very proud to be apart of something so amazing, a group of people that will do anything to help someone in need, to offer all the love they have. They have taken my family and myself under their wing and loved us like we have always been apart of them.

I have been blessed with a lot of family members throughout my life. Three amazing and interesting Aunts on my dad's side, all women that have taught me something special about life. Grandparents that made growing up a lot of fun, introducing me to new experiences.
On my mom's side I enjoyed numerous Holidays playing with cousins and learning new crafts with my Grandma.
I have a Brother that I can't help but love and a Sister that I look up to so much.
I have an Aunt and Uncle and cousins that love me all the way from OR.
I have an amazing whole other family on my husbands side, all of who have accepted and treated me with love for the past seven years. My in laws are fantastic, I really got lucky there! And a new Sister to hangout and share life lessons with. Grannys and Papas, cousins galore...I love them all!

So many people have closely touched my life, Do they know just how much?

Loving family members spread all throughout the country that I need to make more of an effort to keep in contact with. To let them know just how much they mean to me. If I have learned anything, it is that life is short and I have a lot of love to give.

Momma's night out

I am feeling a little bit random tonight, (more so than usual) I apologize ahead of time...

So I learned some thing about myself tonight... I found out that I really enjoy going to movies by myself. Which kind of scares me. I have always depended on others to keep me company, to have a good time. I was surprised at how comfortable I was standing in line for my ticket although I did get a little nervous when I was asked what movie I was seeing, I drew a blank and kind of stuttered as I said Bridesmaids. I even treated myself to snacks. Standing in that line was harder, I had to keep telling myself to stay put, not to escape to the darkness of the theater where it wouldn't be as obvious that I was there alone. There were a group of women there, maybe 4 or 5 in their 40's or so. A group of women that you could tell had all been friends for awhile, loud and fun and having a good time. It reminded me of the days when I would go out with the girls and harass our waiters... I was envious of these women because they were all there together, laughing and enjoying each others company. By the time I sat down and started stuffing my face with my expensive snacks I was feeling better about it.  By the time the movie started I had forgotten  I was even by myself. I laughed out loud and almost cried a few times (probably not a movie I should have watched by myself since I have actually been kicked out of a wedding) but over all had a really great time. Thankfully I had enough self respect not to get up and dance at the end when Wilson Phillips was singing ( I forgot how much I loved her !) and walked out with confidence.
The movie itself made me do a lot of thinking though. About what kind of friend I am. I wont go into the movie details, I don't want to ruin it for anyone. I want the kind of friendship that they have in the beginning of the movie, I want that friend to eat lunch wiht and make silly impressions with, to sing and dance horrible with...
My best friend is  9 hrs 16 mins / 533.89 miles away from me, not exactly the hangout on the weekends kind of situation (although we do talk most everyday) I have friends, even a few good ones ;) but I still don't do much to reach out to them. I used to be the one to initialize plans and dates. I was a go getter! But now I have realized that I am a recluse that waits for things to happen to her. Where did that go getter go? Did becoming a stay at home mom change me that much? Do I just use it as an excuse to push people away? I'm not that good of a friend, not like I used to think I was. I think becoming a mom made me sort of selfish. I forget to ask others how they are or ask about their lives...I think that's why I enjoy blogging so much, I get to get all my thoughts out  but don't have to listen to anyone Else's. That's horrible! I do not want to be this person! I love people, I love to talk, I love to have a good time. I'm a needy friend, the type that needs her calls answered or at least returned. The one that likes to text everyday or every other day, just about random things. I share personal stuff, I wear my feelings on my sleeve and have been known to get my feelings hurt easily. I just want to make room in my life for an everyday friend like in the movies...

 

"I think about you constantly, whether it's with my mind or my heart."

Quote by Albany Bach Reid

Are you  missing someone?
 I have been in a constant state of "missing" in the past week. Friends separated by distance, friends separated by time...Loved ones gone from this world, missed opportunities, babies growing into children... memories hitting me in waves. I have even missed writing to you. So here is a recap of recent happenings:

I took a break from my 31 days to clean challenge, with washing the kitchen windows left to do. I will pick back up tomorrow morning.

My GPA came to visit from OR, traveling by himself since losing the love of his life last summer...Seeing him enjoy the time with his great grandchildren and listening to his stories has been so precious. Memories to hold onto for life. I miss the time I didn't get with my GMA, something I can not help feeling bitter about. The few memories I do have are sweet but much fewer than I need.

Of course the one person that I always miss is my best friend, a real true friend but distance keeps us from seeing each other more than a couple times a year. I do look forward to the times we hangout but often wonder what it would be like to be able to plan weekly get together... 

I have a few friends close by that time and life has just pushed us apart, some I miss, some I think I just miss the idea of having that friend to call up whenever I want. I am thankful for the ones I have but I find myself not trying to get close to anyone anymore, even when all I want is a girls night out every once in awhile. I never pick up the phone to make it happen; I can't keep waiting for it to happen for me...

Everyday I watch as my children grow and change right before my eyes. I know this is life and I should embrace it, most days I do... but lately I have wondered just where the time went. And did i make the most of it. Will I look back and know that I did everything I could to make each memory a great one for them? I look forward to each milestone: Grant learning something new each day, Lela about to start crawling, but will always miss the baby in them.

Speaking of growing up, I want to send a shout out to my amazing Sister in Law who just graduated from college. What an awesome accomplishment, I am so proud of her! It does make me feel a little old, and a little sad that I didn't take the opportunity to do the same when I had an easier chance at it. But I do know that when and if the time is right I will know it and pursue an education. For now I will just be proud of her and do my best to help my children pursue theirs.

Mothers day was amazing this year. I truly enjoyed every moment and memory we made together! It made me think of the few years that I would cry because all I wanted to be able to do was celebrate as a mother. I am so thankful for this opportunity! My gift this year: a new wallet! I found this on sale at our local grocery store, a super great buy and just had to have it!

Hidden Treasures...

Check out my fabulous find from the top of the refrigerator!

I woke up tired, sore and with the feeling of accomplishment this morning. I have been participating in a 31 day challenge to clean my home, 31 Days to Clean - Having a Martha House the Mary Way and today is my Day 4.

Yesterday involved some deep cleaning in the kitchen and I went nuts! I couldn't stop! I was fortunate to have a little more time to spare yesterday since my son goes to daycare 2 days a week and my daughter took a 3 hour nap. I also have been trying to double up on my days so that I can have more done by the time I have family coming in to stay next week.

So starting with the top of the refrigerator and ending up with the oven, I scrubbed and washed until my fingers were tired. I even ventured under the refrigerator finding half of the missing ABC magnets! My stove top was so gross, with the impossible stains around the burners ( we have and old gas stove) and the oven is not self cleaning...I did my best in the inside of the oven and called it good! But the outside looks all shiny and brand new!
Oh and I introduced my cabinets to Murphy's soap and they became good friends. I cleared a whole corner of junk mail and clutter of papers off of the counter and rearranged a couple drawers, even the "junk drawer". It was like I was nesting all over again! Today I plan on finishing up more in the kitchen, if my little ones cooperate...
This challenge is wonderful, the book is a must read! I have so much motivation to make my house a home, I have even cleaned up the dinner dishes every night, creating better habits for myself each day. Maybe I will get lucky and they will rub off on my husband and then my children some day ;)

                        I took advantage of some free time while my children played together to get a little scrubbing done...