Webster defines Mother:
a : a female parent b (1) : a woman in authority; specifically : the superior of a religious community of women (2) : an old or elderly woman
: maternal tenderness or affection
Becoming a mother was a very scary thing for me. It was something I wasn't sure I could do. My Birth-Mother didn't make the requirements of the definition above and it often made me worry that there was something in my genes that would make me make the same bad choices she did. I always knew that she loved me, but even at a very young (too young) age, I knew that love wasn't enough. Being a Mom means changing your lifestyle in order to take care of your child. It means always puting your child first. It means sacrafice. I was very fortunate to have a new mom at the tender age of 2, one who did sacrafice everything to be with me. To raise me. I grew up with an amazing father, a great mother but still there was always the nagging question of why my actual birthmother didn't fight for me. How could she put me in those bad situations? Why didn't she change for me?
The mom who raised me was wonderful but strict. Growing up I thought it was horrible, but looking back now I can see that I turned out ok becuase of it. Although she was great to talk to about everyday stuff, I wish we had been closer. Today I am closer to her than I ever was then, I guess I have more respect for her now.
It took us 3 years of really trying to get pregnant with our first child. 3 years of wondering what was wrong with me, was I meant to be a mother, could I really do it? It got to the point that every try was a chore, just one more let down. I think all of my anxiety over my past issues with my birthmother was the problem. Once I faced it all, we were able to get pregnant...
It had been 20 years since I had seen my birthmother and I had decided it was time to confront this fear of mine. I had to know if I was Her or not. With my husband holding my hand, I met her for the first time since I was 5 yrs old. I was determined to put the past behind me and forgive everything. What an amazing feeling, Forgiveness. If you have someone you need to Forgive, Do it. It will enrich your life!
I still dont have much of a relationship with her, not the mother daughter type, just friends. The mom that raised me is who I go to for that realtionship.
Seeing my Birthmother didn't give me all of the answers I was looking for but I did learn that I am not her, that I am strong enough to sacrafice anything for my children. That my love for them can and will overcome any obstacle in my life. Thats what being a mom really is.
I want to build a household of fun and wonderful memories, of game nights and good life lessons. I am an amazing mother, a fun mom and will work harder and harder everyday to be the best mom for my family. I aspire to be the kind of mom that my daughter will want to be one day, one that my son looks for in a wife someday.
So this mother's day, celebrate what being a mom really means, not just the giving birth part.