So I learned some thing about myself tonight... I found out that I really enjoy going to movies by myself. Which kind of scares me. I have always depended on others to keep me company, to have a good time. I was surprised at how comfortable I was standing in line for my ticket although I did get a little nervous when I was asked what movie I was seeing, I drew a blank and kind of stuttered as I said Bridesmaids. I even treated myself to snacks. Standing in that line was harder, I had to keep telling myself to stay put, not to escape to the darkness of the theater where it wouldn't be as obvious that I was there alone. There were a group of women there, maybe 4 or 5 in their 40's or so. A group of women that you could tell had all been friends for awhile, loud and fun and having a good time. It reminded me of the days when I would go out with the girls and harass our waiters... I was envious of these women because they were all there together, laughing and enjoying each others company. By the time I sat down and started stuffing my face with my expensive snacks I was feeling better about it. By the time the movie started I had forgotten I was even by myself. I laughed out loud and almost cried a few times (probably not a movie I should have watched by myself since I have actually been kicked out of a wedding) but over all had a really great time. Thankfully I had enough self respect not to get up and dance at the end when Wilson Phillips was singing ( I forgot how much I loved her !) and walked out with confidence.
The movie itself made me do a lot of thinking though. About what kind of friend I am. I wont go into the movie details, I don't want to ruin it for anyone. I want the kind of friendship that they have in the beginning of the movie, I want that friend to eat lunch wiht and make silly impressions with, to sing and dance horrible with...
My best friend is 9 hrs 16 mins / 533.89 miles away from me, not exactly the hangout on the weekends kind of situation (although we do talk most everyday) I have friends, even a few good ones ;) but I still don't do much to reach out to them. I used to be the one to initialize plans and dates. I was a go getter! But now I have realized that I am a recluse that waits for things to happen to her. Where did that go getter go? Did becoming a stay at home mom change me that much? Do I just use it as an excuse to push people away? I'm not that good of a friend, not like I used to think I was. I think becoming a mom made me sort of selfish. I forget to ask others how they are or ask about their lives...I think that's why I enjoy blogging so much, I get to get all my thoughts out but don't have to listen to anyone Else's. That's horrible! I do not want to be this person! I love people, I love to talk, I love to have a good time. I'm a needy friend, the type that needs her calls answered or at least returned. The one that likes to text everyday or every other day, just about random things. I share personal stuff, I wear my feelings on my sleeve and have been known to get my feelings hurt easily. I just want to make room in my life for an everyday friend like in the movies...
